I was reading an article about someone who experienced a tragedy when they were young. When I read the lines…one person told them to “just get over it”, I was reminded of another time I heard those same words. It was a comment by an individual in politics who said – “kids who are bullied should just get over it.”
What I would have reflected back to both of those individuals – you don’t have a clue about the depth of impact these incidents create. I have personally experienced the lifelong effects on my physical body caused by experiencing recurring bullying. I have seen and heard in my coaching clients and others how these events impact their ability to connect and relate to other people. I know of individuals who suppressed their true feelings so they could “live through the experience”. When I hear the phrase “just get over it”, I find myself torn between the feelings – I hope you and those you care about never have to experience that situation – and the desire that they should experience it, feel the pain of it, and possibly develop some level of empathy for others.
As I thought more about it, I realized it was a great example of meeting in the middle. It is best if those who experience a significant tragedy, trauma, or bullying, do get over it. But there is rarely an instantaneous, snap-your-fingers, talk yourself out of it – getting over it. It is instead a process of:
- Understanding how your physical body holds the experience and then using transformational approaches to let it go
- Learning ways of connecting with others that honor your need to build trust
- Allowing the emotions to come up in a way that is safe and evolves over time
- Finding ways to acknowledge your resilience and grieve your loss
- Ending relationships with the types of individuals who say – “just get over it”
- Creating supportive self-care practices that feed your body, mind, and soul
- Surrounding yourself with individuals who understand your healing journey
- Discovering ways to build a sense of safety that those events took away
- Looking at the meanings, emotions, and other ways you hold onto the experience
- Whatever else you need to support yourself on your unique journey
If you are the person who has said – “just get over it”, consider how you would react in the face of a similar tragedy or trauma. If you feel you could truly just get over it, then change a variable in the situation – make the tragedy bigger or the trauma one that recurs. If you still feel the answer is to “just get over it”, then acknowledge your strength and resilience and then step outside of yourself for a moment by becoming curious about why someone else might not respond in the same way as you.
If you are holding on tightly to an old experience, are on a journey of letting go, or cannot understand why some people simply can’t get over certain situations and experiences, you have not yet found your middle ground. Please contact me to discuss what transformational approaches would best support you in coming to a place of balance.
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