Recently, I have been struck by the blame game highlighted in various ways throughout the news and events in the world. Sometimes blaming comes through directed words (it is all your fault), other times through hand gestures (pointing your finger at someone). In other instances, blame can play out as a game of back and forth (you did it, no you did it no…).
These specific expressions have ramifications that are not always well thought out before people speak the words out loud.
When we tell someone “it is all your fault”, we potentially set in motion a belief system that will have negative ramifications for years. On the other hand, if we point our finger at someone, we forget that three fingers are pointing back at us – highlighting that we have an equal (if not bigger) role to play in the situation. When blame creates a game of back and forth, the results can be a never ending circle that gets neither party anywhere (other than angry and frustrated).
In all these cases, the blame game keeps us from making productive changes. Virtually every personal development program I have experienced highlights that the first step to making a change is acceptance. Blame is the opposite of acceptance.
Blame can stem from any number of experiences or situations:
- Unhappy about the family you were born into – accept that was your fate
- Triggered by how someone else treats you – accept that you have co-created the situation
- Frustrated by your inability to change a habit – accept that you are stuck
- Angry that something is not going your way – accept that it is what it is
When you find yourself blaming, take a minute to step back, sense how you feel, and decide if you want to perpetuate the same dynamic. Whether you blame someone else for your circumstances or are in a perpetual circle created by self-blaming, ask yourself what keeps you from accepting things exactly as they are?
Acceptance leads to the ability to take responsibility for your circumstances and from there you can map out the pathway to change. Rather than playing a game of hot potato, trying not to get burned, what would it feel like to put that hot potato down, take a breath, and recognize you can create something better?
If you are in perpetual cycle of self-blame or blaming others, consider a 30-minute coaching clarity call – https://systemsofchange.com/
2019 © Systems of Change, LLC