Earlier this month, I wrote about deflecting caused by not taking responsibility for your actions, reactions, imperfections, and outcomes. That type of deflection is really about not owning what is less than perfect about yourself. However, some people experience another type of deflection – that of not owning their greatness or value.
In a society of comparison, competition, and more, better, bigger, it is easy to get caught up in behaviors that deflect all that is great about you.
Is there someone you wish you could be like? If yes, what is it about them that you admire? What if you turned that around and asked what do I admire in myself? If you have a long list, that is great. If not, do you find it easier to identify what you are lacking? Such as:
- Can’t afford the latest fashion style
- Have a sibling who is smarter or more popular
- Defer to an extrovert who speaks up more readily
- Compare to a classmate who did better on the last exam
- Envy a colleague who has the boss’s ear
- Question why you can’t drive an expensive car like your neighbor
While we all have areas for self-improvement, it is essential that the areas we find lacking or those that compel us to change are in balance with the areas that underscore our value and worth in the world. Take a moment to consider:
- What talent is uniquely yours?
- What do people compliment you about?
- What have you done to make a difference in someone’s life?
- What makes you smile or laugh?
Self-esteem, self-confidence, self-worth are all important topics of conversation. You can assess them, improve them, and provide feedback on them but fundamentally you must own the intrinsic value you were born with. Do you own the best of who you are or do you deflect your greatness?
- When someone pays you a compliment, do you own it?
- When you complete a task, do you celebrate it?
- When someone thanks you for what you did, do acknowledge yourself?
- Can you see everything you have achieved, contributed, learned, and created?
Whether you deflect your imperfections or your greatness, you keep yourself from stepping into all of who you are. Undervaluing yourself, focusing on what you are lacking, feeling not good enough are obstacles on your path and may indicate the need for Blueprint coaching or Voice Dialogue to transform what is at the core (www.systemsofchange.com) of this pattern.
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