As life goes on during this unprecedented time, I have noticed numerous helpful hints which seem to indicate there is only one way to be in this situation. We can see that is clearly not true given the differences in what essential workers are doing versus non-essential workers, the options afforded those with lots of money versus those with limited means, and the responses of individuals who choose to stay at home versus those who insist they won’t.
I have heard expressions like –
- You must do this
- You shouldn’t worry about that
- That’s not the way you should feel
- What I think you need to do is
All of our circumstances are different, and the way we handle situations varies as well. For some people, the pandemic is no big deal and for others, it is being experienced as a trauma. I would suggest that if someone tells you how you “should” feel, you might consider telling them “they are your feelings so please don’t tell me what to feel”.
At the same, time it is important that we process through our feelings and not get stuck in them nor simply step over or ignore them. We need to find a way to create a new balance within ourselves.
Consider for a moment, what you might want to bring in instead. Here are a few thoughts:
- Breathe in what you want, and breathe out what you don’t want (i.e. breathe in peace, breathe out fear).
- Create your own variation of the Prayer of Saint Francis which focuses on sowing something different (i.e. where there is despair, hope)
- Ask your feeling what it wants you to know (i.e. have a conversation with yourself)
- Journal about what you are feeling
These and other approaches are designed to create movement in your thoughts and feelings. They can support you in shifting from an extreme or stuck place towards a new sense of inner balance.
When an event like this throws us off balance, we each need to take the time to create a new sense of self, a place of inner balance. If you are stuck in an extreme, in a place of confusion, or feel everyone knows what you need better than you do, please contact me for a complimentary coaching conversation. There are transformational approaches that can support you in listening to both sides of the discussion and lead to creating a more integrated sense of self.
2020 © Systems of Change, LLC
Thanks Mindy. This is helpful!
Thanks Dorie. I appreciate your feedback.