Someone recently asked me if there was a common approach and result for my clients. The question was due in part to my having a variety of service offerings, similar to practitioners that I have worked with in doing my own transformational work.

There are definitely common threads in the outcomes my clients achieve such as happier relationships, the career of their dreams, and a more fulfilled version of themselves. At the same time, the support each person needs varies as each individual and their path of transformation is unique.

The sense that each journey is unique reminded me of a blog I wrote about the color turquoise, the color of the journey of individuation – I noted how for some this journey is straightforward. They seem to know exactly who they are and what they want to do from a young age. For others, the journey is built on having a unique gift such as a musical talent or a brilliant mind.  Sometimes an individual’s journey is shaped by an event such as a tragedy or life-altering encounter. I shared some specific examples of this in

For many the path is circuitous and the individuation journey can involve many twists and turns. The personal exploration unfolds and changes through unplanned, unpredictable, and unexpected experiences. Sometimes those twists and turns are created by self-doubt or fears. Other times they evolve from the need to search for what’s wrong or what we feel is missing. In some instances, they are shaped as one moves from being a chameleon (using external reference points to define themselves) to uncovering their inner truth. It is important to be patient with our journey and ourselves as we experience the unique timing and synchronicities that lead us to the next step –

A common denominator we all follow is the relationship journey that begins with our family of origin. In our families we experience our first friendships, we gain a sense of how we belong and where we fit, and we inherit both physical and emotional traits (conscious and unconscious). Our journey continues as we learn to relate to the world. We create friendships in school, affiliate with like-mind individuals through religious organizations and social clubs, and connect to our community. At the same time, we build the connection within ourselves, ultimately sharing the expression of who we are with the world.

Even with all of these common factors that shape us, everyone’s expression or “divine recipe” is unique. Consider how varied peoples’ lives are. Some focus on creating a large loving family. Others work to move to the top of the career ladder and make oodles of money. Still others step into their creative side writing best-selling books, producing award-winning films, and designing amazing artwork for others to admire –

In supporting people who are navigating the twists and turns, I’ve found that their transformational needs tend to fall into three categories. The main challenge dynamic is either – their relationship with another person (i.e. spouse, parent, ex), the relationship with themselves (their inner sense of self), or the connection between their outer and inner relationships.

In my experience, there is no one-size fits all combination of transformational solutions for everyone. While the outcomes may be similar and topics such as finding the positive in the negative, uncovering hidden patterns, the choices we make, and the meanings we assign are common, the journey is to find your own personalized recipe to connect to the outcomes you desire. Just as this blog contains pieces from other blogs, I support you to find the pathways, puzzles, and possibilities for your transformational journey – link to my book.

If it feels complicated, the 6-week group coaching program called Meeting the Shadow is a great starting point. It’s always interesting to see the different outcomes for a group going through the same process and I’d love to have you register for the series starting on March 14, 2023.

© 2023, Systems of Change, LLC